Busting the Biggest Mediation Myths

Family Mediation Week 2026 is the perfect moment to clear up some persistent myths about mediation — and to highlight why it remains one of the most constructive, child focused and empowering ways for separating families to move forward.

Whether you’re navigating a separation yourself or advising clients who are, mediation can help you make decisions at your own pace and on your own terms. Here are the misunderstandings our family mediators hear most often — and the truth behind them.

Myth 1: “Mediation is compulsory now.”

Reality: Mediation is voluntary.

There’s been plenty of noise about compulsory mediation in recent years, but the government has confirmed it is not making mediation mandatory for separating couples. You remain free to decide whether mediation is right for you and your family.

What is compulsory in most cases is attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before issuing certain court applications — but that meeting is simply a conversation about options, not a requirement to mediate.

Alison Bull explains more about MIAMs in this blog. 

Myth 2: “The mediator will tell us what to do.”

Reality: Mediators don’t decide outcomes — you do.

A family mediator is a neutral facilitator trained to help you communicate, explore options and reality test ideas. They can provide legal information but not legal advice, and they won’t push you towards a particular outcome.

This is one of mediation’s biggest strengths: solutions come from the two of you, which means they’re more likely to stick.

For more insights on how mediation works listen to this episode of our Explaining Family Law podcast.

Myth 3: “We can’t mediate because we don’t get on.”

Reality: Mediation is designed for people in conflict.

Most couples who mediate are finding things difficult — that’s entirely normal. Mediators are trained to manage strong emotions, help keep discussions on track and adapt the process to fit your needs, including shuttle mediation, online sessions or shorter, structured meetings.

If there are safeguarding concerns or the emotional dynamics are too complex, a mediator will explain alternative options.

Lawyer-assisted or “hybrid mediation” can be a valuable option to explore if you are dealing with a high conflict family dispute.  You can read more about it on our blog

Myth 4: “Children have no voice in mediation.”

Reality: Children can have a voice — safely and appropriately.

Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM) gives children an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with a specially trained mediator, who then feeds this back to the parents (with the child’s permission). Children aren’t asked to make decisions — instead, it helps parents understand what matters most to them.

For many families, CIM reduces anxiety, improves communication and leads to more child-focused arrangements.

If you want to find out more about child inclusive mediation listen to this episode of our Explaining Family Law podcast where Tim Whitney, Jen Curtis and Alison Bull discuss the practicalities of CIM. 

Myth 5: “Mediation can’t deal with finances.”

Reality: Mediation regularly helps couples sort out financial arrangements.

From disclosure through to discussing housing, pensions and maintenance, mediation offers a structured, cost effective way to work through financial decisions. The process allows you to set the agenda, explore creative options and understand what’s realistic — without getting stuck in positional negotiations.

Where helpful, mediators can also bring in experts such as valuers, pension specialists or your legal advisers.

In this blog, Tim Whitney explores how mediation can even be used to help couples discuss prenuptial agreement with his Family Law Agreements Group colleague Connie Atkinson

Myth 6: “It’s too expensive.”

Reality: Mediation is usually far more cost effective than court.

Mediation avoids the escalating costs of solicitor led negotiations and court proceedings. Fees vary depending on complexity, but many families pay less overall than they would litigating.

Importantly, the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme — offering up to £500 towards mediation where children are involved — has now been extended until March 2026, making the process even more accessible.

In this blog, we explain more about the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme, something the family mediators at Mills & Reeve are pleased to offer

Myth 7: “We need lawyers or a judge to sort things out.”

Reality: Mediation gives you control — and keeps legal options open.

Mediation isn’t a replacement for legal advice. Many couples take legal advice alongside mediation to sense check proposals and turn agreements into binding documents. Some choose lawyer-assisted mediation, where solicitors join for part or all of the mediation session.

But the key point is this: mediation lets you stay in control of decisions instead of handing them to a court.

For more mediation demystifying, read our blog here, including how you go about finding a mediator 

Myth 8: “Our situation is too complicated for mediation.”

Reality: Mediation can be adapted — even for complex or high conflict cases.

Whether you’re dealing with business assets, international issues, neurodiversity or communication barriers, mediation offers flexible tools. Interpreters, co mediators, specialist input and structured agendas can all be built into the process.

And if mediation isn’t suitable, a good mediator will tell you early — and signpost the most appropriate alternative.

To find out more about the wide spectrum of dispute resolution options available, click here.  All of these are offered by the family lawyers at Mills & Reeve. 

Thinking about mediation?

Our team of family mediators at Mills & Reeve offer:

• MIAMs
• Child Inclusive Mediation
• Lawyer assisted mediation
• Support with parenting plans and financial arrangements

If you’d like to explore whether mediation could help you or your clients, get in touch.

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