My ex won’t cooperate, what options do I have before court?

When an ex‑partner won’t engage or cooperate, it can feel frustrating and exhausting. An application to court is usually an option, but there are often steps and options available before reaching that point, which may help move matters forward and reduce conflict. 

What does “not cooperating” usually look like? 

When relationships breakdown, conflict is often the result and it can be really difficult to reach agreement in practice. This may be because you are both so far apart in principle and you have very different perceptions about what needs to be done. However, often a lack of cooperation is your ex not responding to your communication, or responding only on the points they want to address, rather than on the issues you need to discuss. This lack of engagement makes it very difficult to know how far apart you may be in principle (if at all) and to make any final decisions about your finances or your children in practice. 

Why jumping straight to court isn’t always the best first step 

If you are really stuck, you may need a third party to make the decision for you and an application to court would be necessary in this situation. However, the court process is best avoided wherever possible because of the costs it can incur. These can include: 

• Financial costs - court proceedings can be expensive so it is always important to ensure that any costs remain proportionate to the issues and the sums involved
• Time costs - financial proceedings can take up to 18 months – 2 years in the absence of agreement and there will be points throughout the process which can require significant input from you 
• Emotional costs - the court process can feel stressful for anyone going through it 
• The further impact - on your relationship with your ex – the court process is adversarial and it does not generally help your ability to communicate with each other which is particularly important if you have children together  
• Litigation risk - whenever a third party has to make a decision, you lose control over the outcome.

For these reasons, court should not usually be one of the first steps to consider and, where other options are available, an application to court should usually be the last resort. 

Oher options to consider before court 

There are various alternatives to court, all of which are referred to as “non-court dispute resolution”. These include the following:

• Solicitor‑led correspondence – involving solicitors can help to focus minds and result in more engagement 
• Mediation – a trained independent third party helps to facilitate your discussions, which can help to unlock any sticking points which may arise when you try to communicate directly 
• Collaborative law – each of you has a specially trained lawyer who commits to helping you to resolve matters away from court and who are present throughout the process to provide advice and support you both to reach an agreed outcome 
• One lawyer-two clients – if both of you are able to take advice from the same lawyer and commit to reaching an agreement with the benefit of that advice, this can help you to narrow issues and reach an agreed outcome 
• Early neutral evaluation or private financial dispute resolution – these options provide you both with an indication as to likely outcome, which can often help to narrow issues and result in agreement, especially with the benefit of legal advice  
• Arbitration – if you do need a third party to make the decision for you, this is a faster and more flexible process than an application to the traditional court process.

What if one person simply won’t engage? 

Whilst the above options for non-court dispute resolution are often effective and result in agreements being reached, a key point to note is that they are all voluntary and they each require you both to engage in the process.  

The only way to be able to progress matters without any cooperation at all from your ex would be an application to the court. It can sometimes be necessary to apply to the court to start the court timetable for this reason.  

Once you have applied to the court, it is usually still possible to pause the court process in order to facilitate a form of non-court dispute resolution. Family Court judges are required to keep this under review at every stage in the process.  

Keeping the focus where children are involved 

Avoiding court if possible can be particularly important if you have children. You know your child and you are best placed to decide what is in your child’s best interests, working with the other parent wherever possible.  

Parental conflict can have a detrimental impact on children’s wellbeing and finding a way to reach agreement and avoid contested court proceedings, if possible, will benefit your children in the longer term. 

When court may become appropriate 

As noted above, there may be very good reasons for an application to be submitted to the court and there will be situations where progress cannot be made without one. 

Cases in which an application to court is more likely to be necessary include: 

• Situations in which there are safety concerns 
• Your ex does not want to provide full disclosure of their finances and you need this to be able to reach an agreement 
• Your ex does not comply with what has been agreed on a voluntary basis and you need to rely on third party enforcement 
• You have both got entrenched positions and it is not possible to find a way to compromise. 

There are lots of different ways in which you and your ex can resolve the issues you will need to address when your relationship has broken down. Which is the right option for you will depend on your specific situation and your priorities and concerns.  

Sometimes an application to court will be necessary and it can help to move things forward if your ex is not co-operating. However, it is not always the only or the best option for you and your family. 

Please do get in touch if you feel that your ex is no cooperating and we can discuss the options and how we can help you to move forward.
 
 

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